Three Sneezes

It was an absolutely beautiful spring day. The sun was shining, birds were singing and flowers smelled pleasant. A villager called Silly Benny was ridding his donkey through the forest and singing.

Suddenly, the donkey, which was called Speedy Joe, stopped.

"Oh, no!" shouted Benny. "You, the laziest animal in the world! Why are you so stubborn and disobedient? Why are you doing this again?"

But Speedy Joe did not answer because it had been sleeping for three minutes. Besides, he never spoke. Furious Silly Benny got off his donkey's back. Muttering something about Joe's laziness and disobedience, the villager climbed on a high elm growing by the road to cut some wood. Silly Benny began sawing off a branch of the elm, when he noticed some stranger approaching him on a horse back. The stranger took off his black hat, smiled friendly and said:

"Hello, my dear villager! Have you ever sawn any wood before?"

Silly Benny answered:

"I've cut thousands of trees."

"So you must have a lot of experienced and you should know that if you cut off the branch you're sitting on, you'll fall to the ground."

But Benny laughed lightly and said:

"I see that you don't know anything about this sort of job. Go away and let mi work."

And so the stranger went away and Silly Benny was carrying on sawing. Suddenly, Benny heard a strange sound, as if something had just cracked, and he fell down, together with the bough. He felt an acute pain in his bottom but did not pay any attention to it. Only one thing occupied his thoughts now-the warning he had heard just a few minutes ago from the Stranger. That was not just a warning-that was a prophecy! And it has just fulfilled! The Stranger must be a future-teller! He had predicted what was going to happen to Benny!

"I must chase him!" thought Benny, "He couldn't have gone too far. I must catch him and ask about this and that!"

Silly Benny run as quickly as he could and it did not take him long to come up to the Stranger.

"Hello, I was sawing a branch of the elm just a few minutes ago. I know you can predict a future-are you a clairvoyant or something???"

The Stranger raised his brows with a surprise and asked:

"Why did it cross your mind?"

"Don't try to pretend! I know you know the future! Didn't you say a few minutes ago I would fell on the ground together with the branch I was sawing?"

"Well…I said so, indeed, but…"

"Ha!! So you admit that you are a clairvoyant! Could you do me a favour? I would like to know my future! Will you tell me that?"

"Well…I can't tell you all about your future" the Stranger said slowly, "But I can answer your one question about the future-do you want to have a go?"

"All right, then…let it be one question then. So…" Silly Benny paused, doing his best to come up with the most suitable question concerning his future.

"I've got it!" he exclaimed triumphantly. "When will I die?????" asked Benny impatiently.

"Oh, that's simple." the Stranger said smiling, "You'll die when your donkey sneezes three times," announced the man. "And now, my good man, let me go."

"Thank youuuu!!!" exclaimed Benny merrily. "You are the bearer of good news! I'm the happiest man in the world!"

"Oh, really? Why?"

"That's obvious-I'll live forever!!! I'll be immortal!!"

"Hmm…how do you know that?" asked the surprised Stranger. "I've just told you, you'll die, when your donkey sneezes three times so…"

Benny interrupted the man:

"And that's the point!!! Speedy Joe might be the most stubborn creature in the world but he never, NEVER sneezes!!!"

And Benny hasted towards the tree and his donkey grazing on the grass. The Stranger just shrugged his shoulders, sighed, get on his horse and continued his journey.

So happy was Benny that he noisily kissed the donkey in the middle of his nose, to which Speedy Joe reacted with an awesome stoicism, and said tenderly:

"Joe, you are the best donkey ever!"

And so Benny set home. He was riding his exceptional donkey and contemplating the beauty of the world. He was delighted by the soft buzzing of the bees, the sweet smell of flowers and the gentle wind blowing through his longish hair. Speedy Joe was stepping at a snail's pace but Benny was not bothered; he was on cloud nine. He even did not shout when Joe, from time to time, stopped suddenly and fell asleep. Benny patiently waited until the nap was finished and then they both-Benny and Speedy Joe, continued their journey.

Everything seemed perfect to Benny that day. Joy filled his heart when he thought there was so much to experience in the world and he had so much time to do this. But it is a common knowledge that donkeys are exceptionally stubborn creatures, which always do something they should not. So it should not come to you, Dear Reader, as a surprise, that before the journey was finished, Speedy Joe opened its muzzle widely and sneezed at full volume. There is no need to say how terrified pour Benny was. Neither are there words adequate to describe Benny's dismay. He dismounted the donkey trembling and trying not to burst into tears and, since it is commonly known that sneezes go in herds, put his hands on Speedy Joe's nostrils, in case the animal was going to repeat the sneeze. Full of tension, Benny waited for a while and, as the danger seemed to have passed, the villager continued the journey. But since that moment he was observing Speedy Joe very carefully.

That was a sunny day; sunshine warmed Benny's face and blinded his eyes so he had to squint them. The sweet smell of some spring flowers and bird's gentle singing lulled Benny and he fell asleep. He was just dreaming about the beaches of Los Angeles, the beautiful lifeguards from "Baywatch" and Britney Spears singing on the stage by the ocean when, suddenly, resounding "Atishoo" woke him up. For a while, Benny was confused about where he was and what he was actually doing but he stood motionless when he realized what had jus happened.

"Oh, no! Speedy Joe, how could you do that to me? After so much we had gone through together…Are you going to kill me?" despaired Benny. "One more terrible sneeze and I'll be dead! Speedy Joe, you won't sneeze any more, will you?"

But Speedy Joe, as usually, remained speechless.

"I must find some solution" thought Benny hastily. "But what actually can I do??" He was thinking intensely how to prevent Joe from further sneezing and save his own life but the only thing that came to his mind was to put his hat on the donkey's nose. Since the hat blocked the nose and the flow of fresh air, Speedy Joe could hardly breathe. This infuriated him to such a degree that he did something which, in spite of all his stubbornness and cheekiness, he had never done before-he kicked Silly Benny, directly in his bottom. The hat fell off and Benny, shocked and surprised, found himself on the ground. When he was recovering from that traumatic experience, Speedy Joe sneezed loudly. It was the third time! Benny was paralyzed.

"Oh, no! Speedy Joe, you've just killed me! I'm dead. I'm completely dead!" cried Silly Benny.

And the poor moron lay down on the road since it is commonly known that the dead should not stand on their own legs.